Ending Sanity

Through the sinful sedating sanity,
For the thrust of belated harmony,
For the long delayed clarity,
All washed away, as she smiles on vanity.

Sprinkled poison to the skin, is that girl,
The urge to blow a crack to the skull,
Lose sight, lose hope. Make home in the blur,
Just to get life to be less dull.

Hatred is a laughable phrase,
To her, she's awestruck with craze,
To seep in the soul, to draw a maze,
To never escape from her grip.

Blissful sight she may be,
Glare of hope you may see,
Hope you don't understand me
And think I just want to be free.

TO KNOW IF YOU'RE IMPORTANT AFTER YOU DIE

   So after some series of letting people go and procrastination and post physics tests. I was free from all sources of distraction and had time to think and write a little in my, yet another, unpublished novel.

   So I was going through some fictional phase when I thought that let's suppose we are in a distant future with some sort of machine that could do complex calculation on our lives and let us know if we'll be crucial to timeline or not or in simpler brutal words, if the world would care after we die?

   This machine will let us know if after we died the world would remember us or if someone was to travel back in time and kill us, the history would change. So the important question that lies here is, do we really want to know it? Would you really let the machine tell you if you're important or not. I did a little home survey (I ask questions from blood relatives, saves me the trouble of looking like an idiot) and find out that out of 10 9.5 people would NOT like to know if they're important or not. I said 9.5 because the last person is lazy and confused and that guy would be...me.

   So why would we not like to know if we're important or not? Like some realists would suggest, wouldn't that answer the age old questions we keep on fighting to in our daily lives. Its because the illusion of a far away success, of feeling like you are the hero of the story you live in gives us hope in doing our work and reaching our goals. If I were to know that no one would give a damn after I die that would probably lure me to depression and I would lose my daily motivation of doing my tasks. That would lead me to crisis of faith, to questions like "why should I do this, I'm not important after all" and the end would be a meaningless end to life, death. Not knowing what we'll end up as makes this life sort of an adventure. It originates an illusion, it gives us vibes that put our hopes and dreams together, and makes ourselves believe that we matter. Which leads to another change in our daily lives and we live a happier and better life.

   I don't know if anyone read till here. Its pretty long and new what I wrote. If you did, thanks, it means a lot to late night fictional thoughts of mine and to my inner thrust of finding the Zahir. Thanks again.

Books for coming weeks:
Zahir Paulo Coelho (reread)
The Green Mile (Stephen King)
Hyrule Historia (Nintendo inc)

- Zain Rizwan

Enlist Every Ounce to Good

   

   Almost the entire model of universe is based on hypothesis and theories that would take time of centuries till we reach the era where we might have colonized through out the solar system, to prove. Even then, even if we or our off springs succeed in living on the dwarf planets that we ponder on through our telescopes we can not run away from our end. We can not run away that everything will die and vanquish into nothingness. Nothing will stay alive forever. Nothing has and never will. The universe is expanding. And will expand for God knows how long but a module and some theories suggest it might somewhere in future, the universe might contract as well. The universe started with a big bang and might even end with a big crunch.

   So remember that one time when you looked at the people you despised and felt like there was nothing worst than your problems. You were wrong. While you were trapped in cardboard box full of people who you thought define the meaning of life you were wrong. There's more to a universe and the world than you think. Pick up a novel and brush it off and hang in on the wall with a nail. That's your thinking to limited potential. Take that novel and start reading it. That's your brain doing the best it can do make you understand.

   Our lives are dictated with pictures of magazines and neon lights of fictional characters and we think its the only best thing that could happen to us. We are wrong. We need to put on those rain coats and stroll out there. And search for our long lost souls. At least that's what I thought I was doing when I read that book by Stephen Hawking. Or probably I was just over reacting and it was just bunch of theories. Whatever! It made sense.

It made sense. It makes you scared though, it makes you realize how small you are.

    Like a tiniest dot on a large canvas. So why limit yourself up on the people who won't even matter in a few years. Excuse my language but fuck them.

   You need to look for the soul you lost. And when you find it. You don't have to let it go. Ever.

-Zain Rizwan

books for next week:

Silmarillions by JRR Tolkien

1984 George Orwell 

Fifty Two Adventures

 I recently came across something really interesting which you might have also come across by now ( if you're an introvert who loves reading). the fifty two books in fifty two weeks challenge. now to a person who doesn't read this seems like something of a challenge but to a binge reader like me this seems like eternal pleasure.

   Books are somewhat an escape for some people and for some an imaginary home. Some of us find the deepest pleasures in reading a book rather than confronting our own little demons. Instead of facing the fire we've built for us we decide to read words from slices of a wood and hallucinate for hours straight about people who don't exist but teach us more than we can imagine of. 

   I am taking this challenge because for some time now I've not been reading much. And instead of reading I was trying to invest myself in people who I thought that mattered but apparently that didn't go so well for me and here I am, setting goals for an unpredictable year. So this challenge will be somewhat a headache at the start but it'll get better. I'll post the names of books here and write a book report or write on topic which the book discusses. If you're a binge reader like me or just want to do this challenge then you can do it personally and publicly as well. 

http://www.read52booksin52weeks.com/

   The link above discusses the rules and regulations for the challenge and what you have to be careful of while doing the challenge. 52 weeks means whole year, and if it seems somewhat a pressure instead of pleasure to you then it's okay, just shorten the time period for yourself. like 20 books in 20 weeks. Writing after reading a book will help you grow a lot, and understand them more easily so I prefer making a journal, or a blog, or just normal tweets and posts about your reviews on the books. 

   the challenge will start from 1st January 2016 and you are to select a book before the date as soon as possible. I've already chosen a book. It's called A Brief History Of Time by Stephen Hawking.

This book discusses the secrets of time and universe and things related to it not in a boring mathematical order but through a point of view that a normal reader can understand. I've not read a book like this before and I'm really excited to read and also write about the topics I'm going to read in them.

so make sure you pull up the blog again every week to know which books are being read and read about topics which I think usually will be motivational, adventurous, political, social and on self discovery. All the things I and you, need to read about.

thanks for reading all that, make sure to go through the link above to know the rules. You can also submit your books reports to me so I can post them here. Till then stay safe, and keep reading !

send your book names of the week, reports or posts here: kolachikomans@gmail.com.

-Zain Rizwan 

Crying For C3-PO

   A time comes when you've to fathom the moment of the realization of how much has changed in your life. Your father doesn't get mad over late night over stays, you mother doesn't ask you to come for the dinner. You’re no longer the strongest hero of your younger siblings. You are just some over eighteen years old guy who thinks everything will go well once your written work gets published somewhere. You’re just a lonely writer with a coffee on your table that has gone cold; the message on your phone of your lovely significant other goes unread. And it’s the third time of the day you realize you’ve got nightmares. Not a single dream with a good end these days.

   

   Why? Why is that? Why do we see the happy ends in bad ends and try to make them realizations and turn them toss them and twist them into reality. Why am I not the person the thirteen years old I predicted me to be? The thirteen years old me who drew space ships on the wall and pretended the ceiling was the sky to explore. If only I had sat in them and gone forever. But I didn’t. For I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted to look for someone who I can take there. In the search I lost my thirteen year old self. I lost my innocence.

I lost my spaceships.

   I want them back. I want to sail again in the stardust. I want to feel like myself again but how? How do we do that? Everyone else seems to be already sailing to the sun sets they colored together. but here you are with your broken pencils and nothing to write. Go ahead. Lie in your god damn bed and clutch the bed sheet. And think of your thirteen years old self crying for a C3-PO. 



- Zain Rizwan

Remember?

worthwhile it was for lips to brush together,

only to find our drifting away further,

the sound and sight may have gotten broader,

to the demons that smile, I surrender !

let come the dark needle deep in my brain,

there's no need to stay sane,

anymore since there's nothing to gain.

from this pain. from this pain. 

I stroll through the countryside, 

with your letters that I can not abide, 

I'll blaze them up, hell knows where they'll go,

will turn into ash and through wind they'll blow.

please tell me not to go, 

there's still sand below,

the sea level we talked about,

to die together in. remember? 

Your Luminosity

O thee child that burns,

Smile and raise your hands high.

Rattle and throw the urns,

Take some rules and them you defy.

Cry the pearls out of your head,

Stop and sneeze in time of happiness.

Dance in the light you just shed,

To the hearts you have access.

Show me the rain O child,

Bathe in the dust of hope.

Run wild in the beauty you pilled,

Of your smiles aligned in rope.

Pull your pride of being a prodigy,

Cut all these men down with tinted faces.

Turn your existence from sadness to comedy,

Let your wrath leave some traces. 

- Zain Rizwan

Here’s to the Fallen You

    It’s not like we are something predictable, we are something unique in our skin, we live a story that needs to be penned down and compiled in a volume of a mixed genre. We feel whatever and whenever there is a need to feel something, we are built up on emotions and essence of our very existing. I did not start writing this blog post to make you know all that, you already know all that, I want to tell you how you are yourself at the moment.

   

   Take your name and say it once, twice, thrice or maybe a million times until you finally realize that that this guy you’re calling out is YOU. You are not living a story, you ARE a story. A story so unique and powerful, a story that helps this planet move. A story that inter connects with million others, making a huge realm of sorrow and happiness. Take a stroll through the corridors of your very own institute or place of honor and what do you feel, an endless chase of nothingness? You’re wrong. Take a look at these people around you, they are what they are because of you. A million other might try to make you believe that one life doesn’t matter on another and they are right in their own way, but the ultimate truth is that our thoughts are connected. All these anxieties and pains and happiness, these little gestures of emotions you show through your face is just an example of how much alive you really are. Of how much you matter in the eye of the universe and his Creator.

   There might be times when you’ll be crushed in your own clouds of broken dreams. And disasters of million others will seem ease to you but in reality, you just became more alive, it’s like a spiritual pinch that this world gives you to make you realize that you are alive, you are breathing and that you have a very long way to go. A long way of endless adventure awaits you that will spin you in your very own life and make you say to yourself:

Here’s to the fallen you.

Widen and have a world view,

Since you are happy and breathing.

That’s the ultimate truth. 

You Are Priceless

We've been through it, either by personal experience or know someone who has. If you haven't then consider yourself the luckiest person to not go through it. Hardships and huddles of terror is part of life, some have the energy to knock the huddles away...while some don't. When they get knocked and they see walls shifting again, changing their way to their goal they start feeling the symptoms. Anxiety or depression is a common one. A weird thing about these two points is once they are inside, they'll eat you like a cancer does. They'll make you look for ways to release them. And self harm is one of them. You feel like the world is ending, an a little bleeding from the arms will help you recover. But it won't. It won't heal you. You might be seeing people turn faces but that doesn't mean you do that same thing in front of the mirror. You're priceless, you're the soul of this world. Your light brightens many people. May it be friends or siblings but they love you, they mock you for now but you're the vessel of their existence. They will not be themselves without you. I know depression, its the incurable disease according to me, because when you fall no one picks you up but you yourself. Hurting yourself calms you, and you think its right, but after few days when you'll being going through something better and look at your arms you'll curse yourself. And you'll say the most common sarcastic phrase humans have been using since forever:

Should not have done that.

Don't be like that, don't be someone you'll hate being. Be someone you wish others to be for you. Be someone who lives, be someone who gives and takes none. Be someone, not somebody who killed himself over the world. This world is not worth dying for. It's problem are not worth dying for. Your life is precious. To me and to millions of other people who will meet you someday and like you, and thank you for being in their life. You are priceless, this world isn't. This world is emotionless, you're not.

Live and help yourself.
Be proud and love yourself.

-Zain Rizwan

Note:
This message was written for a specific person I know. You'll read this somehow, and if you are, just know you're everything to a lot of people. This came from the Rain Motivates, a series of articles to help people rise and fight against their own demons.

I Know A Girl

I know a girl that used to love,
who became the forever,
half of my beauty dove.

who squeezed her way to my heart,
set a flag of dominance on that land of dark.

of course once a night she healed the unheal-able,
tightened the strings to a point unbreakable.

when broken cinemas were assumed for nights,
even sharing a water glass let the firebombs ignite.

I know a girl who was tough,
her mistakes might be much, but they weren't enough.

to leave what she and he deserved,
this path you've taken will end in a curve.

I know a girl who was so strong,
that she forgot she was also wrong.






now I know a boy who wrote this poem for a girl,
how gracefully from the sealing fan his body swings...and swirls.